46. MY MOM HAD MOLDED MY LIFE.

My mom Nafeesa bi was born as a princess in the household of Abdur Rahman of Kannambra near Palghat, Kerala, not someone so particular to be familiar. Palghat was then a part of old Coimbatore district. My maternal grandparents came from Kerala and settled down in Coimbatore, in search of livelihood. They were not well fixed, the least well read. Reading reflection and observation was unknown to them. They were not wealthy, never loving- to- sit- fat- for- ever type. They knew no pride passion and conceit. They were just honest, industrious and soberly factual to Islamic principles.

 Those were the days of the worst part of the Second World War; astringent days indeed for everyone who had sought to live then. Starvation and poverty were towering high in all parts of India. Unemployment and financial insecurity were ruining the people in all provinces. The people lived restlessly with quarrels misunderstandings and enmities. Many unsolved questions disputes and controversies were rampant in every province and more so in Madras Province then.

 My mom was not well read and so were my maternal grandparents. They were able to earn their bread by doing odd manual labor. My mom joined my dad’s household chorus as a house cleaner. She was, might be, hardly thirteen then. She knew Malayalam and Tamil to speak read and to write. Joining our father’s family with the help of our aunts who were then living with my dad, she had started learning Urdu, which was widely spoken in all Muslim household. Soon she took to learning Urdu,   Arabic   and Persian very fast with the help of my old aunts and then dad.

 My mom was god fearing, honest and wise. She was a proof and illustration for a simple and sweet homely woman. Everyone in the house had approved her good and clean habits. She was never once invidious or quarrelsome and chose to be very accommodating.  Her attention and respect, audacity and skill were some of the attributes that won her a position in the mind of my dad’s family members. My dad was then forty plus and a bachelor. He sought after to live as bachelor for good, I presume so. He remained a bachelor given to a life of his office work and some societal efforts associated to Islamic affairs

45. YAD PIYA KI AYE....

 When I dream of of my dad and our life in that lovely cosmos, a torrent of old and unspecific recollections grab hold of me and I feel more than transformed at once into a respectful god loving kid in the middle of a serene and blissful orb.  Gazal was my dad’s alter ego. My dad was mad of Hindustani ragas and thaats. He would abundantly talk about khamaj, bilawal, and kafi, bhairavi and todi, which were all Greek and Latin to me then and now. Ustad Nazakath Ali Khan, Ustad Salamath Ali Khan, Ustad Amanath Ali Khan and  Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali khan were a few of his much loved Hindustani singers.

 Those were not the days of T.V, Internet, and I-pod etc. His Master’s Voice record players and gramophone records were all that would adorn his dusty wooden table, of which he was proud of, in his youth. He had loved the Hindustani ragas and ghazals flavored with sort  of sorrowful  and melancholic strains and contents. He would often disintegrate into devastating emotions with tears rolling down his wet eyes during some such recitals. Hindustani ghazals and poetry  are said to be mostly imbued with ‘ishq’ and ‘ashq,’ that is,  they were complete of love, romance and tears. Might be he had loved madly someone in his youth a "sheereen" an "anarkali" or a "laila"and the demise of his deep love affair developed the neoplasm of an undying agony. May be addiction to music and god worship had been a solace that saved him from his self-destruction.  This is only my wild imagination, OK.

 Might be his love was one sided, either way, or that had strong crash on him. In all probability, that was why he hated nuptials and remained a bachelor for such a long stretch of his life like a recluse. Some fragmentary evidence however remained buried unexplored here and there.

. ‘Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,

Before we too into the Dust Descend;

Dust into Dust, and under Dust, to lie,

Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer and–sans End!’

RUBAIYATH of Omar Qayyam.

44. OUT OF BOUNDS AT HOME

My dad would give dastak or what you call knocks twice only, on the door and we all knew that dad had arrived from outside. Even as he would enter, he would say salaam alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakathuh. He would not enter any of the places without prior dastak that is knocking as a prior permission or notice of his arrival.

 On all occasions of his visit to our spaces, we were likely to abide by the minimum code of conduct, and expected norms of etiquette  We would not run here and there and never to him without his permission. We would not run to him, cling and hug him or climb on him, smothering and kissing him, as you would have witnessed elsewhere in most other families. This was strictly out of bound and considered disorderliness and unruliness.

 Music was forbidden in Islam, as it sponsored infatuation, addiction and dependence. Anything that encouraged addiction and dependence was very highly discouraged in Islam.   It was an eloquent evidence of an elegant wickedness. Nevertheless, the Moghals had patronized music in all its forms and they more than celebrated it and greatly enjoyed it. The elucidation that they rendered to the Islamic doctrine prohibiting wine and music was not good and adequate. The peers had their own propensity, is not that true?

 The great Akbar, Jahangir and Shahjehan had their durbars decorated with renowned musicians like Bhaiju Bawara, Tansen, Ramdas, Tanrang, Swami Haridoss, Sadarang,  and Adarang to list a few. Love of music, enjoying wine woman and dance was a mode of their luxury loving life. It was in their lifeblood. Almost all had patronized poetry and literature music and dance art and architecture.

Apart from their religious scholarship, my granddad and my dad took to Persian and Urdu poetry. They had their own collections of their verses accentuated with ishq and ashq in their own style. I had thus inherited an infatuation for literature and particularly poetry and music from my dad.

 

 

43. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN I WAS BORN.

In 1942, the planet was a different place.

There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo. Or Internet, for that matter.

In 1942, the year of my birth, the top selling movie was Bambi. Folks in throngs buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster. Magnificent.

Remember, that was before there were DVDs. Heck, even before there was VHS. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema hall, and not downloading them online as you all do now. Imagine the packed seats usually two- in- one souls glued to more love making than seeing movies, the sly laughter now and then, crushing the ******, the sexual excitement, the novelty. In addition, mostly all of that without 3D computer effects.

In the year 1942, the time when I arrived on this earth, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices as you are used to now. Trees were felled to get the word out. The number one US bestseller of the time was The Song of Bernadette by Franz Werfel. Oh, that is many years ago. Have you read that book? Have you heard of it?

In 1942... The United States and Philippines troops fight the Battle of Bataan. Lieutenant Edward O'Hare becomes America's First World War II flying ace. The first undersea oil pipeline was tested in Operation Pluto. Aviators from the USS Enterprise sank the Japanese battleship Hiei in the Battle of Guadalcanal. The Grand Coulee Dam was finished in the Columbia River. British commandos conducted Operation Frankton, a raid on shipping in Bordeaux harbor. Gasoline rationing began in the United States.

That was the  strange world  I  was born into. Since then, you and others have changed it.

But it didn't stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year. Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn't it?

The 1940s were indeed a special decade. World War II continued, affecting people in Europe, Asia and elsewhere. The post war world encouraged decolonization, new states and governments emerged, while others declared independence, often not without bloodshed. The dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four is published, picturing a totalitarian Big Brother regime controllings its citizens. The NATO gets established. Iceland declares independence Denmark. Mao Zedong's Chinese Communist Party is victorious in the Chinese Civil War. Mathematics sees the invention of cryptography. Ballistic missiles are created.

Do you want to know the movie that was all the rage when  I  was 15?Jailhouse Rock. Do you still remember the songs playing on the radio when you were 15? Maybe it was That'll Be the Day by The Crickets. Were you in love? Who were you in love with, do you remember?

In 1942, 15 years earlier, a long time ago, the year when I was born, the song Chattanooga Choo Choo by Glenn Miller topped the US charts. Do you know the lyrics? Do you know the tune? Sing along.

Pardon me, boy
Is that the Chattanooga choo choo?
Track twenty-nine
Boy, you can gimme a shine
I can afford
To board a Chattanooga choo choo
I've got my fare
And just a trifle to spare
There's a kid outside, shouting, playing. It doesn't care about time. It doesn't know about time. It shouts and it plays and thinks time is forever. You were once that kid.

When you were 9, the movie The Tales of Hoffmann was playing. When you were 8, there was Treasure Island.

Progress, year after year. Do you wonder where the world is heading towards? The technology available today would have blown your mind in 1942. Do you know what was invented in the year I was born? The Bazooka Rocket Gun. The Nuclear Reactor. The Undersea Oil Pipeline.

Heywood was a daddy in 1942
He couldn't read or make his letters
He said, "Boy, I hope you don't do like I did"
And that was my dad he was talking to
That's from the song Between A Father And A Son by Jace Everett.

In 1942, a new character entered the world of comic books: Peter Pete Junior. Bang! Boom! But that's just fiction, right? In the real world, in 1942, Calvin Klein was born. And Muhammed Ali. Stephen Hawking, too. And you, of course. Everyone an individual. Everyone special. Everyone taking a different path through life. 
It's 2013.

The world is a different place.

Very very different indeed!

42.. MY DAD'S DAILY ROUTINES

My dad’s qirath would be charismatic. His Arabic was grand and flowed with readiness, skill and accuracy. After fathiha, he would largely recite the last two verses of the chapter two of the book in the first raka’ath. Then he would recite sabbih isma rabbika al a’la in the next raka’ath   after fathiha. Most of the times laqad ja’akum rasoolum min anfusikum azeezun, and the, ya ibadiyallazeena asrafoo, and sometimes the first rukoo of the chapter al moo’minoon, were his usual recitals. His rukoou and sajdah would be hassle-free. His invocatory dua usually was la ilaha illahuwa kullu shain halikun, and allahumma tahhir quloobana minanifaq and amalina minarriya..

My mom would get up and she would also do her prayers as mandatory on times, she would then launch her daily routines:  such as washing, cooking and packing lunch for my dad.   My dad was then working in the District Session’s Court in Coimbatore as a Copyist Superintendent. Mostly he would pack three loaves of wheat bread with country sugar and that was all he would take with him for lunch. This had been a schedule until he saw his retirement

from service. We never saw him take more than two chappathees with mutton or chicken qurma in the morning. At nightfall, he resorted to a small

plate of rice vermicelli mixed with spiced egg. He had a small bowl and that was his measure of food intake. Fish, mutton, chicken, and eggs were there daily but we would not take any more than two to three pieces; however delicious and appetizing had they been. A plantain fruit and a tumbler of boiled milk devoid of sugar he would take as his final course.

 His room was the middle in our house in the series of fours. His deevan qanah was his durbar hall where my dad would sit and meet his acquaintances, his patients for treatment, and hear us our call and plaints. The next was ta’am qanah, his dining and then the rest room and he used it as his bedroom. He had a teak wood almirah there with arty design of Arabic calligraphy. 

 The almirah had compartments full of dry fruits; such as walnuts, figs, almonds, pistachio, Syrian dates etc. The containers also had pure honey, ma’joons helwiyaths and murabbas of various fruits. He would share with us all these usually on Fridays and Saturday nights. I used to get my extra provision from my mom who would seldom take her given share herself. His other furniture was comprised of a table a bit large enough to have room for an artistic qalamdan on it. The qalamdan contained his official paraphernalia in it.

41. GOOD QUOTES LOVED BY FATIMA ASAR

1. You cannot change what you refuse to confront.

2. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can

fall together.

3. Don’t think of cost. Think of value.

4. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things

clearly.

5. Too many people buy things they don’t need, with money

they don’t have, to impress people they don’t

know. Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

6. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow

you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who

isn’t trying.

7. If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make

an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving

a space in your heart for people who do not make an

effort to stay.

8. Making one person smile can change the world – maybe

not the whole world, but their world.

9. Saying someone is ugly doesn’t make you any prettier.

10. The only normal people you know are the ones you don’t

know very well.

11. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you

react to it.

12. The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process

of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are

special too.

13. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.

14. As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to

have more friends and more important to have real ones.

15. Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is

to make a single friend who will stand by your side even

when hundreds are against you.

16. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it

means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go

and move on.

17. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the

same number of hours per day that were given to POPULAR ONCE

18. If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you

don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

19. Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose

the one who makes your world beautiful.

20. Falling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is.

21. True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people

being true to each other even when they are separated.

22. While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll

probably miss the imperfect person who could make you

perfectly happy.

23. Never do something permanently foolish just because

you are temporarily upset.

24. You can learn great things from your mistakes when you

aren’t busy denying them. Read The 7 Habits of Highly

Effective People.

25. In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.

26. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the

right things a chance to catch you.

27. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is

preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

28. There isn’t anything noble about being superior to

another person. True nobility is in being superior to

the person you once were.

29. Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

30. You will never become who you want to be if you

keep blaming everyone else for who you are now.

31. People are more what they hide than what they show.

32. Sometimes people don’t notice the things others do for

them until they stop doing them.

33. Don’t listen to what people say, watch what they do.

34. Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being

lonely does not mean you are alone.

35. Love is about being with a person who makes you happy in

a way nobody else can.

36. Anyone can come into your life and say how much

they love you. It takes someone really special to stay

in your life and show how much they love you.

37. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy

suiting. Don’t save it for a special occasion; today

is special.

38. Love and appreciate your parents. We are often so

busy growing up, we forget they are also growing old.

39. When you have to start compromising yourself and

your morals for the people around you, it’s probably

time to change the people around you.

40. Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea

of other people loving you.

41. When someone tells you, “You’ve changed,” it might simply

be because you’ve stopped living your life their way.

42. Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.

43. Be happy. Be yourself. If others don’t like it, then let them be.

Happiness is a choice. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.

44. When you’re up, your friends know who you are. When you’re

down, you know who your friends are.

45. Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems;

look for someone who will face them with you.

46. If you expect the world to be fair with you because you

are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the

lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him.

47. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each

day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is

desperately fighting for theirs.

48. The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the

grandest intention.

49. Many people are so poor because the only thing they

have is money.

50. Learn to appreciate the things you have before time

forces you appreciate the things you once had.

51. When you choose to see the good in others, you end

up finding the good in yourself.

52. You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown

by staying there.

53. It’s better to know and be disappointed than to never

know and always wonder.

54. There are things that we don’t want to happen but have

to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn,

and people we can’t live without but have to let go.

55. Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around

you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people

depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it

always comes from within.

56. If you tell the truth, it becomes a part of your past.

If you lie, it becomes a part of your future.

57. What you do every day matters more than what you

do every once in a while. Read The Power of Habit.

58. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep

re-reading your last one.

59. Things turn out best for people who make the best out

of the way things turn out.

60. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t

change it, change the way you think about it.

__._,_.___